Magical Morons
by Zack Forrester
Summary: The ultimate showdown between all types of mage.
1. Chapter 1

-1The final showdown of magic!

The contenders for today are four of the most well known, and indeed common, class of spell caster.

The Pyromancer, wielder of the mighty flames that burn pure and strong.

The Hydromancer, commander of all magic related to water and ice.

The Geomancer, controller of earths might and crushing force.

The Aeromancer, adept in the ways of fierce lightning and swift winds.

As the Pyromancer walked along the empty roads, he was met by his arch enemy, the Hydromancer. Immediately, the fire mage took to a defensive stance and reached for his pockets. But the water mage was too quick, and had his hands up. "Wait! Just, t-turn around.."

The F mage looked confused. Why did the W mage not strike? "What?" He asked. "just, turn around, just for a second." He was not sure why he did it, but the F mage turned anyway. "Right.." The W mage whispered as he reached back and pulled out a hose and began spraying the F mage with water.

"Mahaha! Take that bitch!" He roared between maniacal laughter. The F mage choked and coughed as the water washed over him. "Oi! The hell are you doing?" The F mage, growing more and more angry, reached for his pockets and pulled out two cans of deodorant with a lighter strapped to each one.

"Burn baby! Burn!" He ran at the W mage with both cans blazing. But didn't notice as the fire catch on to his robes. He quickly went from attacking to running in circles screaming as the fire grew. "Man I rock" The W mage crossed his arms and laughed. "Your pitiful fire spells shall not affect me!"

As he was enjoying his victory, he was snuck up on by the Geomancer who, wielding a jackhammer, began digging at the ground behind the W mage. "YEAH! Can you feel it? Can you feel the earth crumble beneath you motherfucker!"

The W mage turned to see what was going on. "WHAT?" He had to shout over the jack. "I said, CAN YOU FEEL IT?""WHAT? SPEAK UP!" He tried to raise his voice more. "I SAID, ah screw it.."

He dropped the jack and took out a sledge hammer and began pounding the floor under the W mage. "What are you doing?" the W mage unaffected. "I'm kicking your watery ass!"

The G mage was more than happy to just keep hitting the ground so the W mage just took out his hose again and sprayed him playfully. "Hehehe" The W mage was having the time of his life.

He looked back to the F mage to check if he was still running in panic, yep. "Hoo boy, will this ever be easy." Just then, above the rest of the battlefield, someone began shouting. Up on one of the rooftops stood the Aeromancer.

"HAH! Foolish peasants! I shall blow you away!" He jumped from the roof to be carried by the wind as he made his dramatic entrance. But instead he plummeted like a rock. "AAHH SONNUVA!?" The W mage just watched as the A mage crashed down onto the F mage. Extinguishing the flames. "Well, that's them down." He returned to spraying the helpless G mage.

Today's victor. The Hydromancer…


	2. Chapter 2

-1Magical Morons 2!!!

The Necromancer, master of the undead and all vile powers of darkness.

Conor

The Illusionist, twister or reality, using trickery and intelligence to best his foes.

Ross

The White Mage, power of divine light and extreme healing prowess.

Mairead

The Time Sorceress, time and space bends to the will of this powerful mage.

Trina

The White mage danced across the open roads singing to herself. "Lalala, lala" Suddenly, as if from nowhere, a wrist watch lightly hit her in the side of the head. "Hey, who threw that?" She looked around, swinging the watch. "Show yourself!"

A cloaked figure emerged from an abandoned building and threw her cape open dramatically. "Hahaha! I am the all powerful sorceress of time! Feel my wrath!" She roared as she threw yet another watch at the White mage.

"Alright, cut that out, it's annoying. Don't make me smite you!" The White mage became increasingly more irritated and took from her belt pouch, a small bottle of water. "The power of Jenova compels you! The power of Jenova compels you!" She chanted as she sprayed the time witch with water.

"Hey, this is my favourite top! Watch it I'm getting soaked!" The witch whined. Somewhere in the background, the Hydromancer appeared and whispered Sexy.

Suddenly a bone flew towards the pair of witches and landed harmlessly between them. "Hazzah! Prepare for the cold, heartless power of the undeath!" The Necro dived in with his arms flailing, a bone in one hand and a skull in the other.

He made to swing at them but was intercepted by none other than, the Illusionist. "I'll not stand for your dark ways Necromancer!" The Illusionist held up a mirror. "HAH! No what are you gonna do? You can't see me! Tee-hee."

The Necro was stunned, the illusionist had seemingly vanished, where he once stood was now a perfect image of the Necro himself. "What trickery is this? Show yourself coward!"

The illusionist began to run in circles around the Necro. "Haha! Maybe I'm over here, or here! Or maybe, I'm here!" That was when the Necro finally caught on to the Illusionists tricks.

"I see through your magic now insect!" The Necro grabbed the mirror and smashed it over the Illusionists head. "NOOOOO….. What have you done?" The Illusionist stared down at all the shattered pieces.

After seeing his reflection in each of the fragments, he began to believe he was trapped inside the remnants of his own mirror. "Gaaahhh! I'm fading! Heeeeeelp!" He rolled around on the floor like a child in a sandbox.

"What the? I just wanted to thump the guy with the mirror.. Oh well, hey, where did the other two go?" He looked back to see the witches had left.

Later, at a nearby coffee shop

"Hey sorry about the water thing, I hope your top is alright" Mairead spoke between sips of coffee. "No problem, don't worry about it, I'm sorry for throwing those watches at you." Trina replied

The girls laughed and talked for a few hours before returning to the battlefield where it seemed the Necromancer had expired due to boredom.

"Huh, we were only gone a few hours, didn't see that coming." Mairead poked the body with a stick. "What now?" Trina asked while kicking the comatose Illusionist.

"Umm.. Well, I'm going home, so see you later Trina." Mairead waved as she left. "So, I guess that's it then? I win? Awesome"

Today's victor: The Time Sorceress…

A rather uneventful battle but epic none the less!… Right?

Round 3 coming up…


	3. Chapter 3

-1Magical morons 3!!!

Skill master edition!

Today we have a change in the battle listings. Rounds 3 shall involve four contestants who really on speciality skills rather than magic! (Not that the spell casters had any magical ability whatsoever.)

The Ranger, one with nature and unmatched in the arts of marksmanship.

Rory

The Barbarian, brute strength above all is this warriors tactic.

Stephen

The Imp Master, commands the not so feared legion of imps.

Nick

The Assassin, the perfect killer with stealth and grace on his side.

Bob

The Assassin ran light as a feather across the rooftops, scouting for his prey. Skipping from one roof to another he slammed into the Ranger. "What the hell? I'm the sneaky one!" Bob screeched waving his arms.

"Screw you, I'm a Ranger, R-A-N-G-E-R. I'm as swift as the leaves on the wind, as soft as…" Rory dribbled on for some time about nature nonsense while Bob continued to whine.

Down below, the Imp master met with the Barbarian. "How did I ever end up with this match?!" The pint sized one Nick, stared up at the giant known as Stephen. "Erm, we can't, you know, call truce eh?" Nick was answered with a harsh smash from Stephens hammer.

Nick lay dazed on the floor. "Whazza? Where? Who? Bleh?" He crawled to his feet. "Alright, now you're in for it!" He raised his arms, and the ground began to shake violently. Dark clouds filled the sky and the earth beneath them started to tear.

A large rift tore open in the ground and a single clawed hand reached up and grabbed the edge. A light red creature pulled itself up from the depths of hell and stood before Stephen. But to the great misfortune of Nick, the Imp stood a pathetic two foot tall.

"Haha! Fear the awesome might of my imp!" Nick bellowed as he ordered his beast to attack. "…Right." But before Stephen could stomp on the pitiful monster, it had dived on his leg and began nibbling.

"What the zombie sex? Get off me!" The once proud and strong Barbarian was now hopping in circles attempting to shake off the Imp. "Muahaha! That's right, go my Imp!"

Atop the buildings, Rory and Bob had entered a fierce slapping match with neither looking to be winning. Suddenly, the ranger lost his footing and fell from the roof, but before he did, he grabbed Bobs leg and pulled him down with him.

"WHOA!" Both screamed in unison as they plummeted. They both landed in a crumpled heap next to the grand battle between the Imp and the Barbarian, whilst Nick had sat to read a comic book.

"Well isn't this just the most interesting fight you've ever entered?" Rory said to Bob as they watched Stephen struggle with the depressing furry lump of a monster hanging from his leg.

"Well, it was this or water polo…" Bob sighed. "Water polo doesn't sound so bad right now." Rory crossed his arms. "Wanna go?" Bob looked at the other two then said. "Fuck it, why not eh?" They both departed, leaving the Barbarian to deal with Nick alone.

Stephen continued to hop on one foot but was quickly becoming too tired to continue and collapsed on top of Nick, instantly killing him. But unfortunately, Stephen died from exhaustion moments later as his 'muscle' was actually all fat.

Well…That was pathetic…No winner today folks…Don't worry, we'll find someone else to enter the Final Bout in these idiots place.


End file.
